Christian Living Blog

Crystal Paine is the wife of Jesse and mommy to three little children (Kathrynne was born in 2005, Kaitlynn in 2007, and Silas, born in May of 2009). She is a homeschool graduate, and sister to six.

When Crystal is not homeschooling her daughters, bargain-shopping, or blogging, she enjoys tweaking recipes and baking big batches of things for the freezer, engaging in thought-provoking discussions, trying to keep up with politics, indulging in dark chocolate, drinking a hot cup of tea while reading a good book, or spending a quiet day at home with her family.

 Six Ways Moms Can Contribute to Their Family’s Finances
By Crystal Paine, author of The Money Saving Mom’s Budget

1) Set Up and Follow a Grocery Budget

It’s amazing what the simple act of creating and sticking with a grocery budget can do for your family’s finances. If you’ve never had a grocery budget before, I’d recommend going with a ballpark figure of $20 per person per week to start out with. Then, slowly work on lowering it by 1-3% each month.

Take your budgeted grocery amount out in cash at the beginning of each month and only bring that with you to the store (leave the debit card, credit card, and check book at home). This provides instant self-discipline because when the money’s gone, it’s gone.

2) Plan a Menu

A grocery budget is a wonderful thing, but it’s usually the menu plan that enables you to be successful at sticking with your grocery budget. Not only does having a plan and working the plan encourage you to make dinner instead of heading through the drive-thru lane or ordering pizza, but you can also plan inexpensive meals based upon what ingredients you already have on hand or are on sale at the store.

3) Use Your Freezer

Your freezer can become of your best money-saving friends. You can use it to store extra produce you got in season at a rock-bottom price, you can use it to store meat you purchased in bulk, and you can use it to keep freezer meals at-the-ready for last-minute dinners.

Many people are turned off by the thought of freezer cooking because they envision it entails mushy freezer-burnt casseroles. While casseroles are a quick and easy thing to make ahead and stick in your freezer, there are so many other non-casserole options when it comes to freezer cooking.

You can brown hamburger or bake and chop chicken and freeze it, you can put together baking mixes, you can make sauces and marinades to freeze, you can chop and freeze veggies for stir fries… the possibilities are near endless!

4) Stay Home More

There’s no arguing the fact that the less you shop, the less you buy. The more you can learn to enjoy and find productive ways to occupy your time at home, the more money you’ll save.

Being a one-car family for a few years taught me to appreciate and enjoy the quietness of just being home a lot. There’s so much you can learn and do–without ever leaving your doorstep!

Some ideas: Read good books, learn new skills, try your hand at new recipes and do-it-yourself ideas, follow a few blogs that inspire you, write handwritten cards of encouragement, get to know your neighbors, or invite people into your home for a Bible study or book club.

5) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Want an almost fix for your discontentment? Stop comparing yourself to others around you.

You’ll always find someone who has a seeming better situation than you, but wishing you were them doesn’t change that you are you. The sooner you can embrace your lot in life–no matter the struggles–the sooner you’ll start experiencing true joy and contentment.

6) Choose Gratitude

Finally, adopt a thankful, grateful spirit for the life you are living. It might not be the life of your dreams, it might seem overwhelmingly hard right now, but a grateful spirit–even in the midst of hardship–can change your whole outlook on life. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for!

You can also enter to win a Free Copy of The Money Saving Mom’s Budget on Christianbook.com from April 30th – May 14th. To enter to win, click Here.

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Since 2003, thousands of women have been directly impacted by Sandy’s marriage teachings, attending Beautiful Womanhood small groups led by marriage mentors, and applying The Beautiful Wife mentoring curriculum. This curriculum is a powerful resource praised by bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn as “an incredible handbook that every woman needs.”

Sandy and her husband Tom have been married since 1980 and live near Grand Rapids, Michigan.  They have three adult children and a growing number of grandchildren.  When not writing and speaking, Sandy enjoys shopping at yard sales for vintage clothing, cooking, travelling, and drinking really good coffee, (black is best) with her husband.

Power for a Breakthrough
by Sandy Ralya

At times, nothing short of a breakthrough was needed to supply me with much-needed hope to endure a difficult phase of life. Chances are you understand what I’m talking about.

When Tom and I found ourselves unable to get on the same page concerning issues that had plagued our marriage for years, fasting broke up the logjam of our disunity—and I’m not using the word logjam lightly here! Early in our marriage, my husband was egocentric and self-absorbed and I struggled with sexual abuse issues, both of which contributed to a messy marriage largely void of harmony. Believe me, I tried everything I could think of to regain unity with my husband, but not one log budged. Experts say the best way to break up a logjam is dynamite, and we needed the relational equivalent to break down our marital barriers. Fasting provided the explosive power we needed.

What is a fast? Before I describe what fasting is, I want to explain what it is not. Fasting is not going without food or particular foods for a certain length of time. That’s dieting. Fasting is removing food or a certain food or drink from your life for a spiritual purpose. During the fast, time is spent seeking God about your particular struggle(s).

When I was fasting for my marriage, I would:

• Read the Bible daily
• Sit quietly with a journal to capture any thoughts or impressions that came to my mind
• Thank God for all He’d done and was going to do for me
• Pray morning, noon, and night seeking God for the answers to my problems (even if 5 minutes)

Don’t allow your hectic schedule to stand between you and your breakthrough. We all have a choice when it comes to our extracurricular activities. If you have health issues which you think may prevent you from fasting, consult your doctor about foods that could be eliminated from your diet without experiencing any negative effects.  Whatever you choose to fast, select a food or beverage that you love to eat or drink—one which you turn to for comfort.  Every time you’re tempted to reach for that item, you’ll be reminded to spend time with God instead.  It may be difficult at first, but once you’ve tasted the comfort you receive from spending time with Jesus, you’ll become addicted!

While fasting, God speaks to me about me.  As I journal, He reveals His love for me as well as things about me that need to be changed or implemented in my life.  When I obey—when I do what I can do—God does what I cannot. He steps in and works change in me, as well as in the people and events that touch my life.  There have been times when I’m the only one who changes…but it’s enough to fill me with increased hope, strength and dignity which ultimately gives me the peace I crave.

Do you need a break-through?  Fasting will shatter your toughest obstacles.

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Debora M. Coty is an inspirational humorist, popular speaker, and award-winning author of 13 books, including More Beauty, Less Beast: Transforming Your Inner Ogre, and Too Blessed to be Stressed.  Deb lives and loves in central Florida with her husband Chuck and her pooch Fenway.

The Annoyance of Forgiveness
by Debora M. Coty

Why on earth would that woman want a meeting with me? I hung up the phone, puzzled. Maureen had long been dissing me, ignoring my phone calls and e-mails, walking past me at church like I was invisible, snubbing invitations to my local book events and speaking engagements. She’d disagreed with nearly everything I said or did for the past ten years.

And now she wanted to take me to lunch? Go figure.

I felt completely justified arming my inner guard with an attitude Uzi as we sat across a cozy table from one another and ordered salads. I was prepared for her attack.

When the server left, Maureen took a sip of water and then, of all unexpected things, teared up. To my absolute flabbergastation, she confessed that she had treated me badly because as a wannabe author, she’d been jealous of my writing success.

Then the air was completely sucked out of my guts when she quietly added, “I’d like to ask for your forgiveness.”

What? I screamed inwardly. You want my forgiveness? Forget it, Sugar. You hurt my feelings so many times I’ve lost count. You don’t deserve forgiveness!

My knee-jerk reaction shocked me. Wasn’t I a Christ-follower? Didn’t Christ himself say, “Forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too”? (MARK 11:25, NLT).

But forgiveness doesn’t come naturally in our revenge-glorified world. Because it’s often impossible without the Holy Spirit’s intervention, and because we feed off the power of one-upping someone who did us wrong, forgiving and accepting forgiveness are unique qualities in today’s society. Even among Christians.

I was stunned to realize that I really didn’t want to forgive Maureen. I felt comfortable in my long-term grudge state and was actually annoyed that she threw this surprise twist in our relationship. But I was supposed to forgive her, wasn’t I? It was the Jesus thing to do. Even if I didn’t feel forgiveness in my heart, I could state it with my lips and pray that my heart would follow.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that how we feel has nothing to do with forgiveness. We forgive as an act of the will, because God commands us to, not because of feelings. If we wait to feel like it, we’ll never forgive anybody.

The act of forgiveness enables God to perform a mysterious and profound work of grace in us. The healing process begins – first inwardly, in our own heart, then outwardly, in the broken relationship with our offender.  As we release others from the hurt they’ve caused us, our own hurt is released. Anger stops holding us prisoner. Resentment no longer corrodes our intimacy with God.

And you know what? After I forgave Maureen verbally that day, I eventually did feel that grudge boulder begin to crumble. It wasn’t overnight; it was a process, but crumble it did.

Are there any grudge boulders inside of you that need to be obliterated?

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Babbie Mason is a Dove Award-winning and Grammy nominated gospel singer, songwriter, author, creator of the Embrace: A Worship Event for Women ministry, professor of songwriting at Atlanta Christian College and Lee University, and a television talk-show host. Recently she released her second book, Embraced by God: Celebrating Who and Whose You Are.

In this post she shares from her experience growing up as an African American girl, and the importance of telling your story, even when it’s a difficult one to share.

I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
By Babbie Mason

During the month of February, as we pay particular attention to the contribution of African American people and their great accomplishments, I’m reminded once again of the importance of telling our story as Black people. I grew up near Detroit, Mich., and came of age during the volatile race riots and protests of the 1960s. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in the deep segregated South, and he remembers firsthand drinking from the “colored” water fountain and not being able to try on clothes in the department store downtown. We watch the documentaries that are shown on television, particularly at this time of year, and afterwards we are always compelled to tell our own stories. I want to share a little bit of my story in hopes that it will inspire you to tell your own.

Although I was very young during the decade of the 1960s, I remember very well the events that not only helped to define us as a people, those events defined us as a nation. As an elementary school student, I processed the assassinations of Dr. Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, and so many others who lost their lives during the Civil Rights Movement. I recall from time to time my mother’s painful reaction to the brutal murder of Emmett Till in 1955 and the four little girls who lost their lives in the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bombing in 1963.

I even know personally, what it feels like to be on the receiving end of human cruelty.  I was a junior at a Christian liberal arts college in southern Michigan, not far from home. As the only Black member of my college choir, I remember when we were on choir tour in the mid ’70s.   We performed in a white church in Atlanta, Ga., one evening. After the concert we spent the night in the homes of church members who served as our hosts.  My roommate, a sweet white girl named Suzie, and I went to the home of our hosts, an elderly white couple. As we were getting ready for bed, Suzie came to me and revealed that she had just been asked if she minded sleeping in the same bed with a “(n-word) gal.”  After that, I found myself in a pit of hurt and confusion.  How could people be like that? How could people say they love God yet want nothing to do with me? Jesus had to meet me in the place where I was. I was deeply hurt, fighting mad, and greatly shocked and disappointed.  Jesus had to rescue me before my heart became bitter and filled with indifference. In desperation, I had to pray for deliverance before I became just like those who had wronged me.  I have long since forgiven those people, but I have to be honest with you.  I bear a deep scar from being on the receiving end of hatred and ignorance, and sometimes, even now, I have to fight back tears. However, as I look back on that situation now, I can see the hand of God. This has not made me bitter.  It has made me better. That situation and others like it have caused me to sing with a deeper conviction, minister with a greater passion, and empathize with the lost, the hurting, and the next generation.

So, what’s your story? No doubt, it is decorated with colorful details or mingled with profound pain. But tell it anyhow.  Tell your children and grandchildren the beautiful and even painful details of your life’s journey. Remind them again and again of how you picked cotton under the heat of the Georgia sun. Tell about the struggles on your job in the factory during the Industrial Revolution and how you left places like Clarksdale, Miss., and ended up in places like Fort Wayne, Ind., on your quest for a better life. Describe the wonderful smells that came from Big Mama’s kitchen, as she stood on her feet for hours to prepare Thanksgiving Dinner, then, how later on that evening, she had to rub her arthritic hands with liniment oil, the smell of which would consume every room in her warm and loving home. Sing the old hymns you learned as a child growing up in church. Talk about your education or the lack of it, the times of plenty and the times when you were left wanting. Then tell how over it all, through it all, above it all, and because of it all, you are still here as a witness to God’s amazing faithfulness. Tell your story, my friend. Because, if you don’t tell your story – it won’t get told.

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The observance of Lent begins on February 22nd with Ash Wednesday, marking a 40 day period when Christians around the world remember and reflect on Jesus’ love and sacrifice. Christianbook.com offers free email devotionals during this time to help focus your thoughts during this special time. Sign up below–

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Ebenezer Scrooge begins in The Christmas Carol with a “Bah humbug!” He is both miserly and miserable. As the story unfolds, he eventually discovers the “giver’s glow,” as I like to term it. He is dancing on the streets in the enduring joy of his new-found generosity of heart. I compare the giver’s glow to a glow stick that children get at parades and fairs. These are the translucent plastic tubes containing substances that when combined make light through a chemical reaction. After the glass capsule in the plastic casing is broken, it glows. The brokenness is part of the process. Give and grow, give and glow. Scrooge discovered this before it was too late.

Human beings are wired to give of themselves for noble purposes, regardless of circumstances. Recently, I delivered a sermon in an African-American Baptist church in Coram, New York. The subject was how we benefit when we love our neighbor. Afterwards, a wonderful elderly woman, who was full of vitality, said to me, “You know, that giver’s glow is how we African Americans have been getting through hard times for two centuries!”

On the inside cover of a copy of The Book of Common Prayer, given to me in 1986 by the Rev. William B. Eddy of Tarrytown, New York, is an accumulating memorial list of twenty people I have known closely as models of kindness and generosity over the years. To get on the list a person must have passed on and, by all accounts, remained generous even in their final days. These are people who understood that happiness is not to be found just in the getting, but in the giving, and they taught by example. Have you noticed the warm glow in your heart that comes when you act kindly? They had a deep sense of common humanity, and they all had a certain happiness about them—a sort of gaiety that comes with a life well-lived and rightly inspired.

In my most recent book, The Hidden Gifts of Helping: How the Power of Giving, Compassion, and Hope Can Get Us Through Hard Times, I describe a bit of an upheaval in my own life, and how helping others got me and my family through the inevitable tough times that come everyone’s way.

“After twenty years of being ‘at home’ in the Cleveland suburb of Shaker Heights, my job disappeared. Maybe we were too attached to Cleveland, and maybe God wanted us to move on. But as a family we never anticipated just how challenging up-rootedness is, especially when it is not something that you would have opted for in better times. So in June of 2008, we sold the house and moved east on Route 80 from Ohio to the George Washington Bridge, landing in Stony Brook. What a great place! But still, we just had not quite imagined how stressful such a move would be and how hard we would have to work to find renewed peace of mind and heart.

“Suddenly cut adrift from friends and community, we felt painfully uprooted—out of place, stressed out, disoriented and at odds with each other. Most movers suffer from a lack of companionship and intimate friends, at least temporarily, and doing this repeatedly is really tough. Fortunately, we had those twenty good years in Ohio. We struggled to find our footing with the move, determined to recreate the good life of community and friendships we all so keenly missed. The key turned out to be something we knew quite well, but learned to remember daily in our upheaval: the healing power of helping others. The medical prescription is this—Rx: Helper Therapy.

“Simply put, helping others helps the helper. Research in the field of health psychology, as well as all the great spiritual traditions, tells us that one of the best ways to get rid of anger and grief is to actively help others. Science supports this assertion: Giving help to others measurably reduces the giver’s stress; improves health and well-being in surprising and powerful ways; renews our optimism about what is possible; helps us connect to family, friends and lots of amazing people; allows the deep, profound joy of our humanity to flow through us and out into the world; and improves our sense of self-worth. These are valuable gifts anytime and particularly in hard times. If there is one great secret to life, this is it.”

After all was said and done, this move worked out. My wife found a grade school where she could continue her work as a teaching assistant for especially needy children, my son Drew volunteered at the hospital and I started working with families of individuals with autism. We eventually realized that wherever we are, we are at home when we can contribute to the lives of others. We got back in touch with the things that matter most, and maybe that is what hard times are for. We helped others in ways that we felt called to, we used our strengths so as to feel effective and we shared our experiences with family, faith community and like-minded others.

Eventually, of course, everyone stumbles on hard times, and no one gets out of life alive. Today, even those who had considered themselves protected from hardship are being touched and their lives changed by volatile economic markets, job uncertainty and the increasing isolation and loneliness of modern life.

Here are four things to keep in mind. First, as Washington Irving put it so well: “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.” Second, love often does beget love, just as hate usually begets hate, and so good givers need to be good receivers. Third, we should never count on reciprocity because this is sure to be frustrating and ultimately small-minded. Better to take joy when those upon whom our love is bestowed do not “pay it back” to us, but rather “pay it forward” to others as they move through life remembering our good example. Or to bring this to the kitchen table, as I heard one Italian mother in Cleveland tell her son, “Love and forget about it!” And fourth, in I Corinthians Paul linked “faith, hope and love,” and he proclaimed that “love never fails.” What is faith but having confidence that no matter how harsh a particular scene in the drama of our lives or of history might be, it is love that wrote the play and love that will be revealed in the final act.

Do a little good this holiday season. The 2010 Do Good Live Well Survey, released by United Healthcare and VolunteerMatch (www.VolunteerMatch.org), surveyed 4,500 American adults. 41 percent of Americans volunteered an average of 100 hours a year. 68 percent of those who volunteered in the last year reported that volunteering made them feel physically healthier. In addition:

• 89% reported that “volunteering has improved my sense of well-bring”
• 73% agreed that “volunteering lowered my stress levels”
• 92% agreed that “volunteering enriched my sense of purpose in life”
• 72% characterized themselves as “optimistic” compared to 60% of non-volunteers
• 42% of volunteers reported a “very good” sense of meaning in their lives, compared with 28% of non-volunteers

How wise it is to do what one can to contribute benevolently to others!

Some individuals on my The Book of Common Prayer list were well known and others lived quiet lives out of the limelight. Some were appreciated and some not. We might prefer to think that loving servants of goodness would, after a long and successful life, die peacefully in their beds and all people would speak well of them at their funerals. But this is too simplistic. Everyone on my list experienced an enduring joy as a by-product of their generosity. Thus, the motto of my independent Institute for Research on Unlimited Love (www.unlimitedloveinstitute.com), founded with the help of Sir John Templeton (who happens to be on my list!), is “In the giving of self lies the discovery of a deeper self.”

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Last week I chatted with John Eldredge about his newest book Beautiful Outlaw: Experiencing the Playful, Disruptive, Extravagant Personality of Jesus. This was my second time talking with John. A few years ago he visited CBD to promote Walking with God, and we met and talked then. Both times I’ve interviewed him he’s been friendly and gracious. I hope you’ll take a minute to listen to the interview, and check out Beautiful Outlaw for yourself.

Listen to Interview

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Christianbook.com offers Email Advent Devotionals starting November 27th and running through the four weeks of Advent. They are a fun and free way to take to few moments to focus your thoughts on spiritual things during the busy Christmas season. Sign up below–

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Last week Eric Metaxas visited CBD to meet with our staff and talk about his biography Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. I had the chance to chat with him while he was here. I hope you’ll take a moment to listen to the interview.

Hear the Interview with Eric Metaxas

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Day 21

1. How do you think being a part of a local church that is truly obeying the gospel can help you as you continue to pursue radical discipleship to Christ?

2. If you’re prepared to accept the fifth part of the Radical Experiment…what avenues within your church can you begin to explore to become more effective at making disciples?

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